I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you would pick up someone in the library
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
