batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
