I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
