your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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