so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
