We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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