no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish i was in the wii world.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
