Apparently you make a good broom.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
there's paper in my vomit.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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