she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
3pm strippers are depressing
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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