i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
