I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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