i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
