I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
