You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
