i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
