It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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