i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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