Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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