We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
