I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
