Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
this will be a night to untag.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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