One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
