Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
