Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize