Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
one might say we're banned from that church
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
