I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
