hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
