My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
