9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
