awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
