Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Terrible idea I love it
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
