Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
