You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize