If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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