I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
