I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
sarcasm needs its own font
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
