we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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