Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
