I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
