Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
