When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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