so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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