just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize