the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
