I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
