they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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