i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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