Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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