y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
