Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
