I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
