Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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