i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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