Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize