So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
