Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
