wanna go halves on a baby?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
