dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
