just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
