problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
