I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
