i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
