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Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
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