We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
