Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
