Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
