I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
