ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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