The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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