so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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