I want to have your abortion
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
