My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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