I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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