Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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