There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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