I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
