Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
